We had an interesting visit here in town, yesterday. An old steam locomotive was going to stop by as part of its trip through the Midwest. I thought it was going to be something small, but as soon as I arrived with my kids I realized this wasn’t going to be an “everyday” thing. People with photo cameras, video cameras, cellphones, and anything that could capture the moment, were gathering there. I was actually not expecting any of this! I guess I had no idea how special or how big of an event this was!
My youngest son absolutely loves trains and tracks, so it was a no brainer to take him to see -in real life- something that he truly enjoys. We waited under the sun for a few minutes, it was very hot, but we were so excited that we had some of the best seats in the house, we were right by were the Big Boy was going to stop!
We heard the whistle and we knew the moment was approaching, everyone got their equipment ready and I just couldn’t stop looking at my son’s face and how bright his eyes were, “Papa look, a train!” he would repeat constantly, his hands were moving so fast with excitement!! but all that happiness came to an end as soon as the Big Boy came close to us, stopped and played its whistle as hard as you can imagine! Black smoke started coming from the top and steam from the sides! Exactly at that moment, Victor changed from happiness to TERROR. He started to scream like I have never seen him before, he stretched his arms so I could hold him, kicking and yelling “NO! NO! NO!” like begging me to take him far away from it (the train was indeed big and impressive, so I could totally understand his terror!). I didn’t care about taking any pictures, as a father, my instinct was to get him as far as possible from there, but how was I going to do that if I had a bunch of people coming our way wanting to take photos of the Big Boy? it was a big crowd. I hustled my way out with my two boys, while Vic was having a panic attack! I couldn’t believe how many people were staring at him and laughing, there’s a difference between crying from being scared at the sound of a train than kicking, crying and screaming “NO, NO, NO”! He is just 4!
I managed to get into our car, and luckily we were parked close to the tracks -close enough that we could still see it pass by-. My oldest son looked at me and said “Wow, that was big and loud”, which once again made me realize How most of us are able to understand lots of things, and associate them with good, bad, fun, scary... but Victor -who has autism- and us as his family, have to learn that he might react in a different way and that he might not like the regular things we all do. What looks like a simple fun time for others, can be something extremely difficult for him. What was supposed to be a great time with the kids, enjoying something you don’t get to see everyday, ended up in a scary experience for our little one, who by the way, was finally able to calm down once he was in the car, holding his ball and notebook with geometrical shapes.
At the end of the day, he was able to enjoy watching the train, not the way we wanted him to experience it, but at least he smiled when he was in his safe space!
This is a work in process for everyone in our family, we are trying to help Vic to learn how to cope with Autism and teaching him, how not to be defined by it. Even though it wasn’t the experience I wanted for him, it definitely showed me how to become a better father for him and to show him I will be there for him no matter what!
“Autism is not a tragedy, ignorance is”
Unknown.
Thank you for reading!!